What is wrong with me?

your life experiences solves your own question friend. what you want is not of what you are asking on this site. I feel great sympathy for you on my account from what you have told. your life is rough i can see it by just reading this. my advice is to start life in small steps from where you stand right now and not think to far into the future i believe that will overwhelm you and discourage any thoughts of succeeding. pull a little strength together, even as hard as it may seem and get a par-time job somewhere, maybe walmart, or something in restock so you do not have to face people. that way you can have time to think about school again while saving money and at the same time you are somewhat occupied. when you emotions feel that they are overpowering your mind take a deep breathe listen to a radio, drink some water. what you are experiencing is depression. feel that is not bad. it is only caused by the history of life experiences. it makes you no less of a person. If you have a close relative, speak and discuss your future if you must, tell people when you really do not feel well. hang in there it is rough for you . you are still young life is ahead with many things to encounter good and bad. keep trying, keep talking. small steps Friend that's my best word. right now. but do not idle your mind. even if you have nothing right now to start have a plan the next day so waking up is not so brutal. have breakfast, clean up a little, go to a computer search around for part time job for half an hour. then go out side to the park rest on a bench read a magazine, come home again, and watch some tv. the next day repeat a plan but slowly find a job. im not a conciliar but im trying to do what i would do if i was in your place. and right now i can because im not feeling any emotions. keep trying hope is not gone. just need a tiny boast to start with not a huge ego to start with. you will get past this dreadful state i promise